lost girl.

dearest lost girl.

never never land is not real.
right?

lands of make believe.
are exactly that.
make believe.

fairy tales.
are tales.
some call them tall tales.
not truths.

i spent a lot of time wondering why.
wondering why make believe is so easy to live in.
i do it. i talk to myself in the car.
i am thirty one years old.
i still pretend.

i wish i know what parts of you were pretend.
and what parts of you were real.

reality with you is something that im not sure.
super unsure, that ive actually seen.
have you always played a part?

i never used to care.
because you were just a girl.
a child.

you didnt matter to me.

until you did.
until i started to care for you.
until you became a part of something i was in.

you didnt matter to me.

until your pretend hurt my friend.
then another.
then another.
then another.
then another.
then another.
then another.
then another.
then another.
then another.
then another.
then me.

they all have names.
we all have a past.
thats why for every one of them.
if they havent forgiven you.
thats their issue.
i have. ive forgive you

you want everything.
but want to give make believe.
you want everything.
and return it for hurt.

as a 'christian'.
what am i supposed to give to you.
what am i supposed to do.

hosea.

im supposed to love like Jesus.
with a love like Him.
the way hosea did.

and i will try.
i will try.
i will do my best.

i told someone that i care about.
someone that i think you will hurt.
someone whos family will hurt badly.
if you leave the destruction i think you will.

i told her to give you a chance.
i told her to try to know you.
because you have the power to be amazing.

please be amazing.
please leave nevernever land being.
be amazing.

be amazing in God.
in who i know you can be.
please.

but im praying.
that even if hurt ensues.
that i will still love you.
like hosea.
like Jesus.
like i should.

be patient with me.

sincerely.
a real. live. girl.